Rock, paper, scissors

 

Today while driving with the bus, watching how everything was passing by... feeling a little melancholic because of latest stuff that has been happening... I saw two high schoolers that played rock, paper, scissors to decide who will sit by the window. I haven't seen people do that here, it's such a asian stuff rofl so I felt connection. 

Then my thoughts wandered off somewhere again... With rock, paper, scissors it is simple because the outcome is so black and white, you win or you lose, all depends on luck. If your hand shows rock there is chance someone showed paper that wins over rock. If your hand shows paper, there are the dreadful scissors that can cut it and win again. And if your hand shows scissors the mighty rock can crush it. 

When there are problems, reality can't be decided this easily, this black or whitish and just say: that's the outcome I have to accept it. No, there are emotions included. 

Lately I feel that whatever hand I show, I will be defeated, as if some of my thoughts aren't considered... I try hard to understand the new things I learn each day, I try to be thoughtful as much as my (as my friend would say) vampire heart, that can shut off feelings at any time, can. Currently it is on and I think I receive too much... and whatever hand I show I lose, not that much to others but to myself as well... 

I'm indecisive anyway, it's hard for a pisces to decide on something if the two fishes in her head (zodiac sign) swim in different directions... If you ask me who was right and who was wrong, I don't know... If you ask me if I wanna go left or right, I wanna stay in the middle... 

I am someone who is foolish... I want to get along with everyone... My lines of connections looks like a big spider web or let's say tree crown. I am in the middle then out from there are stronger lines, the people I get along with, then the outer, smaller ones are people I am less in contact, who I know less etc. That is my circle. 

Now imagine someone touches my spider web or shakes the tree... one part of it gets torn or wounded... It is tough to fix it especially if the bond between two bigger lines gets torn or if one bigger line is completely out of the formation...

I know I am blabbering... I should just stop now :D

--Anny