Last night I couldn't fall asleep calmly... I tossed and turned... closed my eyes but felt like they were open... I blame this one variety show I'm watching these days... There, couples are matched up and enter fake marriage life... They are so damn cute, lovable and I can see myself in some parts... Some express themselves well, some not... shows nicely how different people deal with love situations...
I am so damn envious watching it... and it's making my heart beat stronger, I smile more than I did lately so it's no wonder I couldn't sleep (partially blames also the cute boys haha)... the other reason was the loneliness I guess... kept hugging my plushy (yes 26yo girl still sleeps with plushies so what? XD)...
I said it before and will use the expression from the show: "first 3 months couples show their 150% but after then they get back to normal". This is my problem... I dislike using my 150% to please someone to show him I'm something then later get back to normal me and it is scary if that real me will push the person away... Also for me first months are fun parts, I get excited and can easily mistake love for the great feeling of being in love or simple affection or happy to know someone noticed me... It is complicated and the line is really thin between those...
For me it would be best if I would be thrown into marriage life, skipping the time when you have to use your 150% and just be myself with someone who can be my family, a friend...
No comments:
Post a Comment