On and off

Let's make another confession :D 

Is there two sides of me and sometimes one pops up and at other times the second? There are times when I feel too much but times when apathy strikes. Some small things can make me emotional like whoa, tears, a bug in my throat or just sadness or happiness... Some big news on other hand are like plain paper in my mind but to fit the situation I smile, I say things that are expected while my insides are empty. A friend called this a vampire heart who can turn feelings off :D I think this is easy to understand but it's another thing that I don't really like about me. Faking happiness or sadness... it's troublesome and it's like deceiving people...

Another funny thing... Imagine this situation: you see or read something and imagine how great it would be if that were to happen to me... when it does I'm empty... So frustrating... Can't my mind decide for once? :D Have silly example: I got a red rose from a (now ex-)boyfriend for my birthday. I always found this so nice but then on the inside I was like: what to do with the rose now? I even found it frustrating because I knew I have to drive the bus later and will break or hurt it for sure... :D

This picture shows best how I often feel...