Some friends thinking

"I am really happy when you call but when I want to call you first I feel like I am bothering you." 

This is what I read yesterday and I thought often about this... When we get a call from someone from whom we haven't heard in ages, we get really happy thinking: "That person didn't forget me. We are still friends. He/she thought of me. etc." But why is it so tough to do the first step, to be the one to make the other person happy about your call? It often requires courage and confidence in yourself that the other wouldn't be disturbed or bothered with it. 

I am in middle of trying to fix my "mistakes" or things I do wrong. I am at some points still a kid inside who hasn't grown up. Some know I try to work on myself especially being better friend and not blame it all on the others. Friends drifting away isn't only their fault so Anny shouldn't complain about being lonely but rather do something about it. I also thought I wasn't at fault at first but it took a while to realize both parties have to work in the right direction. 

I try to contact few people I am closest with and have most confidence in myself to call or meet. First I work on them. And you know you thought you couldn't talk to them properly anymore but when you meet them it feels totally normal, warm, casual. Yesterday I met my friend with whom we are befriended since middle school (~15 years). She became mommy recently so I brought a little toy for the little one and simple flower bouquet for her. We hugged tightly, had fun talking, being casual like in the past. She said I can always drop by... It made me want to try harder than in the past, because I know I was also wrong. I wasn't cast aside, I distanced myself... I meet another friend on Wednessday, I work on myself!

Conclusion: chasing away your doubts, resentment, misunderstandings etc. is tough, it requires a lot of courage and you still can't know if the other will accept you as you are, with your faults, mistakes. Those that try hard in understanding you, deserve understanding from you as well. That's how it works and such people deserve to hold your hand and you shouldn't let go of it.